I Don't Fully Get It

It’s just another day here in Michigan. I’m up late, like usual, trying to find something valuable to work on that will make the world a better place. But I don’t know what to work on next. I’ve already done a great deal, and for the most part I don’t want to go back over all of the things I have done thus far. All I know is that I am planning on going out to California soon, and trying my luck back on the adventure. But I’m not extremely excited about it to be honest. I’ve been homeless before, and I’ve done well while I was homeless, but it is a hard life, and that is the truth. I just don’t know what there is left for me to do here in Michigan. I’ve lived this life at home to the fullest, and it seems like it is time to get back out there and try to start a new chapter of my life. I just very much hope that the characters that have joined me in this current chapter will stay with me for the next one. 

I really don’t know what to say to you. The truth is that I am a little lost. Every day for the past four years has been a thrill, with me searching every day to find something meaningful to do and then trying not to be satisfied when I find it and doing more. And in the process of doing this I have accomplished a great deal. But the truth is that I have very little to show for it in terms of the life I live. For what I know, I am single, I am broke, and I have very few prospects for advancement in my life. It’s pretty bleak, in terms of what I can see, and I can’t seem to understand how that can be. I am a self-taught applied physicist, and I have created a number of designs for some of the most advanced systems in the world, and these systems all make perfect sense in terms of all of the research I have done and everything I know about mathematics and the sciences. But I have never received essentially any feedback about my work outside of what I know as the private communications system that I use to communicate with my girls and the people that I think that I work with. As it goes, what I’m told is that I am a classified guy, and because of that things are this way for a reason, but I don’t know what to say about it. I don’t fully understand why my life goes the way that it goes, and I am excited to try to start this new chapter out in California.